Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Happy Bastille Day!

Happy Bastille Day to all my friends and relatives in France!

My first trip to France, the word “Oeuf,” dominated the menu of every restaurant.  When I was a baby I loved eggs. I ate them everyday until I was three. One day, Mom put an egg in front of me, mashed it up, and the smell made my stomach flipped over. I waved my arms frantically pushed the bowl away and never ate another egg.The sophistication gene skipped me and my futile attempt to learn a little French imploded and I was forced to depend on the kindness of strangers. I don’t hear English, too well, so broken English is another alien dialect. 
Over the 12 day trip my entrée choices all came down to eating anything as long as there was no “oeuf,” in it. I started eating crepes for lunch and dinner, a safe move if I was diligent. We spied a lovely crepe café in Toulouse. Near the end of the trip I was feeling cocky and ordered without asking anyone for help. I ordered a triple cheese crepe and drank my warm cider in anticipation. When the crepe came it was packed with cheese and steaming hot. I couldn’t wait so I started nibbling the ends, the cheese oozed out, I was happy. When it cooled to the point I was ready to sacrifice the roof of mouth, I took a giant bite and the filling rolled into my mouth like lava, delicious up to a point and then it made no sense, the cheeses were excessively runny and started tasting funny, horribly funny. I let some slip back on my plate and saw “oeuf,” I released my fork; it banged off the plate and flipped onto the floor. 
My meal was over, I saw a menu left on the table and I grabbed it and read my selection carefully, no sign of ‘oeuf.” The waitress spoke a little English, I asked her why my crepe had “oeuf,” she said they always add ouef! I lost 9 pounds. 9 pounds on a 12 day trip to France. Something is wrong with me.
But I love France, it’s stunning.  
Au revoir!

If you enjoy my stories please  check out my memoir, "I Hate the Dallas Cowboys - tales of a scrappy New York boyhood." Available at Logos Book Store or online at Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

The book has 109 Amazon five star reviews out of 109 total reviews posted. We're pitching a perfect game. My old world echoes TV's "The Wonder Years" ~ just add taverns, subways and Checker cabs.  

You can also purchase my photography portfolio, "River to River - New York Scenes From a Bicycle" on Amazon.

No comments: